The email I can't write

I'm an optomistic person by nature - always have been. I try to only complain to my closest friends who will recognize the true me underneath all the whiney mess. And yet....I find myself unendingly mad at someone (or maybe several someones) that I've never met and need a place to vent in the real world. My head is getting sick of the same angry ramblings on a daily basis. Sooooo.....

Welcome to my rant!

We're unemployed...and I say that like a man might say "We're pregnant!" As a family we've decided it's my job to be the main care taker for our home and children. Harland's unplanned 20 months of unemployment hasn't changed that.

We paid Cobra costs for our health care insurance as long as we were eligible. Now we're on Medi-Cal. It took me several months to bring myself to apply. We've gone through our meager savings and haven't gone into debt. We've survived rather well, partially in thanks to living with my mom and partially because we had no debt to begin with. We're not on food stamps, although I'm sure we'd qualify. We are actively involved in our children's schools and church activities. We don't have our kids in sports or music lessons, because it's out of our budget.  We've made lots of sacrifices. I don't need to list them. I'm not looking for a pity party.

My point is we are honestly doing our best to weather this "storm" and maintain our standards.

Yet, both Harland and I on separate occassions (more than once each) have heard employed people complaining about their job or "wishing" they could just take help from the government instead of working. Generally, it's people who don't know us or our circumstance, but....seriously?!

We are - even in our circumstance - trying to heed the prophet's counsel to be grateful. I supposed that is a blessing/ benefit of believing in the current prophet of our Lord. (Want to know more - just ask me!) I can't expect others to believe the same thing.

There's the rub. The longer we're unemployed, the more I realize how blissfully ignorant other people are.

For example, Harland applied for a job in July at a new hotel that is opening in Park City. He got a call within a few days scheduling an interview. The guy not only didn't call on the scheduled day, but didn't answer Harland's call either....until a month later. Then he got passed on to another Guy who has not kept a single phone appointment (he kept the one in person appointment) or deadline that he gave himself. NOT ONE. The last time Harland talked to The Guy he excitedly gave him details/benefits of the job and all but offered him the job then said he would call in 2 days. I called my sister who lives in Utah to share my excitement about the possibility of having a job and being close to her. We sat on pins and needles waiting for him to call.

It's been more than 3 weeks.

Harland emailed him once and never got a return answer. You'd think we'd "get a clue", realize they chose another candidate, and move on. Well, in a sense, we have, since Harland is applying for all sorts of jobs and has a fairly good local lead. But when someone has such a reputation of not keeping appointments it is difficult to give up hope. Actually, at this point, hope is all we seem to hang on to. Daily I stop myself from sending him a nasty email by writing it in my head.

Unfortunately, this is not unique in Harland's long search for a job. Not even a little. Employers constantly avoid the unpleasant task of informing the candidate that they are not hiring. Some have even passed it off to other people who weren't involved in the hiring process. Some just wait weeks before they let you know. Others (the kind we like) call and field Harland's questions about why he wasn't hired and what he could've done better in the interview process (must give those guys big props).

This isn't just a job search for Harland. This is a job search for our whole family. Occassionally, like the Park City job, we even share our excitement with people we love. When we wait, they wait. When we get disappointed, so do they. So, when you ask how things are if I answer "fine", please understand. I don't need to pull anyone else into our circle of disappointment. 

And if you are in charge of hiring people or know someone who is... man up. Do the unpleasant tasks now. Don't make me wait. It's just rude.